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Mr. Cellophane
12 January 2012 @ 06:50 am
Ich lerne seit einigen Monaten Deutsch...so, bitte entschuldigen Sie meine Fehler...

Ich werde von Zeit zu Zeit Einträge auf Deutsch machen :)

Information über mich:

Name: Torey (oder "T")

Geschlecht: Männlich

Geburtstag: 11 April 1977

Sternzeichen: Widder

Geburtsort: Ruston, Louisiana - Vereinigten Staaten

Religion: Theistischer Satanismus (Satanismus wird missverstanden. Ich werde Sie gern davon weiter informieren...)

Sexuelle Orientierun: Bisexueller

Ehestand: Verlobt

Freunde: Ich bin ein sehr treuer Freund, wenn Sie mein Vertrauen verdienen. Sogar, wenn Leute mich schlecht behandeln, bin treu. Wenn Du willst, adde mich!

Über was schreibe ich in meinem Journal?:
Viele Dinge. Ich schreibe über das Leben, mein Gesundheitszustand (ich bin HIV positiv und habe auch Hepatitis C und Epilepsie), meine Tochter (sie heißt Katie und sie ist 3 Jahre alt), das Okkulte, usw.

Bitte hab kein Angst!  Ich bin freundlicher Typ! :)

Read this post please.  I have outlined a little about myself and what I expect from you if you friend me.

Name:  Torey or "T"
Age:  32
Gender:  Male
Sun Sign:  Aries
Place of Birth:  Ruston, Louisiana USA
Religion:  Theistic Satanist (Concordant)
Sexuality:  Bisexual
Ethnicity:  Caucasian
Heritage:  German, Scottish, English, Irish, Ukrainian, Norwegian, Native American, Belgian, etc.
Relationship Status:  Engaged (to the love of my life, Rhonda)
Health Conditions:  HIV+, Mesial Temporal Lobe Epilepsy, Hepatitis C
Demeanor:  Placid most of the time - at other times, moody and angry
Sense of Humor:  Cheesy and campy

What to expect from me..........................Collapse )
Current Mood: amusedamused
Mr. Cellophane
30 January 2010 @ 06:14 am
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance.
For a break that will make it okay.
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough,
And it's hard at the end of the day.
I need some distraction -
Oh a beautiful release.
Memories seep from my veins
And may be empty
Oh and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel,
Fly away from here.
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear.
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie.
You're in the arms of the angel.
May you find some comfort here.

So tired of the straight line
And every where you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back.
The storm keeps on twisting,
Keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack.

It don't make no difference,
You escape them one last time.
It is easier to believe
In this sweet madness
Or this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees.

In the arms of the angel,
Fly away from here.
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear.
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie.
You're in the arms of the angel.
May you find some comfort here.
You in the arms of the angel,
May you find some comfort here.
Current Mood: sadsad
Mr. Cellophane
22 November 2009 @ 01:39 am
the more i wish I hadn't made it.

nothing accomplished. i realize that all i do is make people feel old and useless and unloved. i make my daughter ashamed of me. i'm just a prick who wants peoplt o fawn over him.
i'm tired too.

i think i should have drove away instead of lock my door
Mr. Cellophane
13 September 2009 @ 12:50 am
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?

Come on, now.
I hear you're feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.

I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what you're sayin'.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I cant explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

Just a little pinprick.
Therell be no more --aaaaaahhhhh!
But you may feel a little sick.

Can you stand up?
I do believe its working. good.
That'll keep you going for the show.
Come on its time to go.

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what you're sayin'.
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.
Mr. Cellophane
24 August 2009 @ 02:11 am
I love this image of Louis (Brad Pitt) from Interview With The Vampire lol

Mr. Cellophane
17 August 2009 @ 04:11 am
I've got a splitting headeache in the back of my head for some reason.  Like the very back right above my neck.

I'm having slightly odd thoughts and feeling on edge.  I have this creeping feeling coming over me like there are some kinds of spirits spying on me. 
Mr. Cellophane
Today has not been a good day for me, physically and mentally :(  

I slept late and woke up feeling bad.  I thought that at first it was probably because I hadn't eaten, so I started eating and ate all throughout the evening.  I then noticed that I was having tremendous weak spells coming and going, shaking and light-headedness and what have you, as though I hadn't eaten enough.  So I ate some more - it didn't help :(  My inner thigh muscles are sore like I've been doing squats.  I have tried thinking of what I did to maybe pull them or strain them and I can't think of anything.  So that's two things that sucked today.

On top of that I had quite a few mental symptoms today, just feeling slight out of it, seeing movement and things emerge from wall textures and carpet, for instance.  Then I decided I would rest and see if I improved - I just had nightmares until I woke up drenched in sweat and had to wash off.

I feel very...subdued, is the word, I suppose.  I just feel slightly lost in la-la land.  

I wrote J. back and I may have to tell her that I just cannot commit to our mentoring right now :(  I'm not sure that I'm well enough for it and don't think I will have the time.  I can't concentrate at all lately and I feel badly that she's trying to help me and I can't really commit.

In some good news, I got a Karma touch for a helpful post I made at MW about dial-up Internet lol  Then I also got a random PM at another forum from someone who said that they had added me on Yahoo! Messenger because I was special :)

Little things make me smile.
Current Mood: apatheticapathetic
Mr. Cellophane
07 August 2009 @ 02:41 am
I am ever more aware of the stillness of the night.  This despair hangs like a cold sick fog on the surface of my consciousness.  I feel the warmth of the blood running down my arms and my stomach, but I see it all like an impressionists' painting.  Your eyes scan something that isn't quite wholly there - the image is broken, silent, lost in a patchwork of brushstrokes. 

I'm not in control.  I'm not in control.  I am running on autopilot tonight.  I feel nothing, see nothing, perceive only passing whispers of the world around me.  I'm lost somewhere deep inside.  I don't know what moves my arms, what moves my legs, what types these words on this screen.  I am lost.
Mr. Cellophane
24 July 2009 @ 04:40 am
Still coughing, still sneezing, still congested, still having this shit creeping into my chest.  Bleeding fucking gum and fucking painful toothache.  Constantly choking all night long.  38 C fever.  Sick sick sick sick sick.
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Current Mood: sicksick
Mr. Cellophane
13 July 2009 @ 12:08 am
i miss my little girl *sigh*  Some days it's worse than others, but today it's pretty bad.  I woke up thinking about her and wanting to hold her.  I keep thinking that I have missed so much already - she's going to be three-years-old this year, in just a few months.  I worry that she will resent me and not want anything to do with me when she gets older :(  I just wish that she could see into my heart.  I keep wanting to write her letters or keep a journal for her and maybe give to her some day, but I just get too sad to actually do it.

I wish that things were different and I were more stable - and I could have her right now in my custody.  But I guess things work out for the best.  She's well taken care of and fed and happy.  I hope.
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Current Mood: sadsad